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Thanks for visiting!
Lisa McCellonwrote:
Hello! I like what you have done with the space!  Truly, you are gifted...and I like dots, too! See you around, hopefully.
Sept. 8
Stephen Craig Rowewrote:
Sometimes there are no words. Then there is a picture and a painting.
May 18
Stephen Craig Rowewrote:
Dear Mary Beth, I wish you and yours a very Happy and Meaningful Easter. Add a lilly and as ever be well. Stephen
Mar. 23
Stephen Craig Rowewrote:
Dec. 6
Sabinewrote:
It is not that I never visit, but from my home I am unable to leave any comments. I love your space and visit as often I can.
 I hope your summer is going well.
I will keep trying.
Hugs, sabine
July 25
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Redvelvet's Underground..."Looking back, I have this to regret, that too often when I loved, I did not say so." David Grayson
Public Enemies . . .Finally had time to see the latest Depp flick and I'm happy to say was not disappointed . . . Public Enemies was an intense mixture of action and romance woven into an interesting film . . . and of course . . . Depp is as hot as ever . . . Like fine wine, he just seems to get better and better with age . . .
June 18 In Memoriam . . .
Sometimes . . . often . . . I think of you
Gone to that place where mercy dwells
As I gaze into nights starless or bright
And wonder what you see
Do you see me? Do you see these tears?
Rambling, remembering, hurting inside
As my heart paints a memory portrait of you
Wishing to relive all those years
Even regrets amidst the smiles
As days tiptoed in then quietly dashed
Away with our dreams
And there is so much that I would say
And many things I would take back, too
If there were just one more day to spend . . . together.
written by Redvelvet © 2009 June 12 Say Won't You Say . . .Say won't you say
Say that you love me With love ever love Love everlasting?
All my devotion Put into motion by you
Every morning I Have a chance to rise And give my all
But every afternoon I find I have only wasted time
In light of you Isn't love amazing I forgot how to speak
Knowing you are near And I am finally free
Say won't you say
Say that you love me With love ever love Love everlasting?
All my devotion Put into motion by you
My eyes fear to close This reckless letting go Is so hard to bear
On the edge of all I need Still I cling to what I see
And what have I there? Bred my own disaster Who have I to blame?
When all I need is waiting To be fanned to flame
Say won't you say
Say that you love me With love ever love Love everlasting?
All my devotion Put into motion by you
I opened up my eyes To see you standing there
Oh I can barely breathe And I can hardly bear
All the love that I Feel for you inside
I hope you feel it now Some somehow
Say won't you say
Say that you love me With love ever love Love everlasting?
All my devotion Put into motion by you
Say won't you say
Say that you love me With love ever love Love everlasting?
All my devotion Put into motion by you June 09 Grandma Talk . . .So, my little grand-daughter was here last week. Awhile back, in her attempts to say grandma, she began calling me "Uma" which I find cute and after all don't many of us have a secret wish to be Uma Thurman anyway. But lately she has created a little game she plays with me when she decided she was not going to say grandma anymore.
She constantly says, "Pappaw." I mean to the point that she says it fifty times a day, at least, but she refuses to say grandma. I began teasing her a little by asking her, "Can you say grandma?" to which she adamantly replies, "No!" So then I'll ask her again, and she'll again say, "No!" When I ask her a third time, she'll look at me mischieviously and say "Pappaw!" Maddy likes this little game, so we go on this way throughout the day.
So anyway, after she had been with us for a few days, and we had played the game numerous times, she had not said grandma even once. That afternoon, I was on my computer working, when her pappaw decided to bathe her. After he dressed her and put her down, she wandered into my office, put her hands on my lap, looked up at me and said, "Wa doin' Grandma?" The moment was priceless. June 02 Morning song . . .
With You I’ll soar just like a phoenix Out of these ashes and high into the air And there’ll be no rhyme or reason where I land Because with You All things are possible With You All things are possible
written by redvelvet ©2009
For awhile now, I've been struggling . . . but somehow, these words were playing in my head as I woke up this morning . . . and even though, physically, I still feel the same . . . something inside me is different now . . . and I know I WILL get through this depression . . . What to do this summer . . .Classes are over and summer is almost here, so I'm thinking about my to-do list. I'm taking a writing course right now and then teaching in June, but other than those obligations, it's pretty much up to me. There is my office that needs cleaning and a few other work related chores, but I've not been feeling up to par lately and decided to take a few days off.
Part of the plan is to read and write a lot this summer which is part of the reason behind taking the writing class (besides the three credits I will earn). Writing has been difficult lately, partly because of my bout with depression, partly because of being so busy, and partly because of poor time management and pure laziness. And . . . I want to literally dust off my piano and play play play . . . It's still hard to fathom that I'm writing these words; I used to play every single day. Usually depression leads me to play more intensely, but these days: nothing. I'm puzzled.
I've gone fishing twice already and caught nine bass and one large bluegill, but then (here it is the big fish story) there was the one that got away or should I say four that got away. I usually don't lose a fish once I get it on the line, but on the last trip, four of them got away and the last one was a whopper! I was so disappointed and still haven't gotten over it. It was the biggest fish I've ever snagged on that particular lake and it ~sob~ got away. But there's always the next time, and now that I've zeroed in on his territory, the conquest has begun for my pursuit of this particular fish . . . this could be a death match~it's either me or the fish . . .
I plan to buy a baby life jacket and a little fishing pole for my little grandaughter. She has a fish picturebook and a toy fish, and she will visit the aquarium in Chattanooga in the near future. She must be raised right, you know, in the tradition of her grandmother whose earliest memories include fishing. I think I told the shoe story somewhere on this blog about the time I threw my shoe in the river in December as I delivered that infamous line, "Look Daddy, there goes my shoe." Needless to say, I will keep a close eye on Maddy's shoes while fishing.
Anyway, I guess that's all that's to be written at the moment. I will be back soon with more babble . . . until next time, take care. May 21 Old Aqueduct Club Memorial in Fort Wayne, Indiana . . .As a little girl growing up in Fort Wayne, Indiana, we lived in a house on West Main Street for awhile in the late 1960's. Every morning when I looked out the front door, I saw a statue of two little boys and their dogs looking back at me. The statue had plaques on each side with a picture of a covered bridge and lists of names I was too young to read, but as a second grader, I could read the words, "Let's go swimming," that were engraved across the front.
We moved away after a couple of years, and the statue became a distant memory until many years later, when, while browsing the web one day, I ran across some photos and immediately knew what they were: there was the familiar monument from my childhood. That old house and five others are long gone, along with the old Clifford's Coal Yard that lined the alley behind our house; but the statue remains, rekindling my memories of playing around the statue and in the neighborhood surrounding it.
Each morning on my way to Washington Elementary School, I remember walking past Carole Lombard's childhood home which can be seen on the corner of the street behind the One Way sign in the first photograph. The Fort Wayne School of Art was a few streets over on my route to school. When my cousins and I would walk by on our way home, the "Hippies" at the school would ask if they could draw us sometimes.
I'm sure that old Victorian neighborhood has changed in the past forty years, but I have many fond and not so fond memories of those days, such as the afternoon my six-year-old neighbor, Joey, lied to his mom, telling her my little brother, Jay, had fallen off the concrete banisters of the bridge and into the murky, rushing waters of the St. Mary's River. His mom had called the police, television crews, and a rescue team to the scene before they found out my little brother was taking a nap in his bed. But that's another story altogether . . .
May 09 Graduation Day . . .Commencement was held at our school today. Ashley Judd was awarded an honorary doctorate for her humanitarian work. I did not recognize her at first when I saw her walking down the sidewalk. She looks somewhat different in person than she does on the silver screen, and she's shorter than what I expected.
It has been four years since I first started teaching as a graduate assistant, so some of those first students were graduating. I am sad to see some of them go, but I am so proud of them because they started out in the developmental English classes and have made it through to graduation. That first group will always be special to me. They were the first stepping stone to where I am today.
Anyway, I might add more to this later, but it has been a long, hot, and rainy day, so I'm off to bed.
May 06 Buddhist WisdomSome dwell in the past . . . others dream of the future . . . when all we really have is today . . .
"Summer" by Walter Crane April 26 Ordinary--The Alternate RoutesI've been wasting my days,
Good and reckless and true,
I have danced in the dark at the edge of the water,
Swinging my hips at the black and the blue,
And when you die will you be surrounded by friends?
Will they pray for a heaven out loud,
A hope that somehow they will see you again?
And at the end of the day,
Knowing not what it means,
Will you stand in the ashes,
Building a flame for the rest of your dreams?
And would you love,
Could you love to be ordinary?
I know it's hard but I can't see you trying,
And would you love,
Could you love to be ordinary?
'Cause I can't see you trying now
And I see strangers at war, I see strangers at peace,
Still I hang my head in confusion,
It's always been a choice that's been harder for me,
And at the end of the day,
Knowing not what it means,
Will you stand in the ashes,
Building a flame for the rest of your dreams?
And would you love,
Could you love to be ordinary?
I know it's hard but I can't see you trying,
And would you love,
Could you love to be ordinary?
No I can't see you trying now
There's nobody left to hear me, I wish you could hear me now,
There's nobody left to call
Because you're not around,
And would you love,
Could you love to be ordinary?
I know it's hard but I can't see you trying
And would you love,
Could you love to be ordinary?
When you die will you be surrounded by friends?
Will they pray for a heaven out loud,
A hope that somehow they will see you again
April 25 Now here's something to smile about . . .
This is my little grand-daughter, Maddy . . . my little ray of sunshine on even the darkest days . . .
Come on, come on, get happy . . .Warning . . . I need to whine a little . . .
So far this year has been . . . well . . . not so good . . . illness, finances, death, and personal struggles have all taken their toll . . . leaving me numb at times. Just the other day I mentioned to a friend that I just don't know what's wrong with me . . . one of my main passions in life is music . . . yet I haven't touched my piano in over six months . . . and I don't listen to music as much as before . . . and I don't sing and hum incessantly like I used to (driving those around me crazy at times) . . . and I don't even write about it or anything else . . . which really worries me . . . since writing is . . . well . . . what I do . . . I just feel . . . uninspired about everything . . .
I do okay as long as I'm at work . . . but then come home and crash on the weekends . . . no energy to do anything . . . except sleep and even with that . . . it's not restful . . . and sometimes I wake up feeling worse than before going to bed. And if it were not for my grand-daughter . . . the sleep would probably continue through the entire weekend. I've come to the conclusion that I am depressed, and I need to do something about it.
So . . . when classes end next week . . . I will schedule my last needed surgery . . . and once that is over . . . I will spend the summer attempting to get healthy and happy again . . . My life has changed a lot in the last year . . . but there are still some changes to be made and goals to be achieved . . . a few proverbial brass rings to catch . . . for as a friend once told me . . . "We should insist on our own happiness . . . even if it's not something people ordinarily do." And you'll most likely be the first to hear about it . . . like it or not . . . (hope I don't lose what's left of my readership).
April 12 Life's Lessons . . .
Gather Ye Rosebuds While Ye May by J. W. Waterhouse
April 08 Goodbye my friend . . .
January 1, 1964-April 7, 2009
Rest in peace Jerry . . . I love you . . . March 01 1979 . . .Was it really thirty years ago that I graduated from high school and got married at the tender age of eighteen? Seems impossible, but it's true, and the only words that come to mind are: Wow~if I had only known then what I know now, especially that lesson about how quickly time passes . . . but I guess there's only one way to learn that one. So I begin to wonder where the next thirty years will take me or if I even have thirty years left. Worries start creeping in and then I try not to think about it anymore.
Sometimes I think I'd like to live to be a very old lady~ 100 years old~ a centenarian, but when I look at the world around me and think about how much the world has changed and how it has not always been for the better, and I begin to think about the proverb that says the good die young and wonder if I could ever be considered good enough to be spared a prolonged life of earthly misery. I then come to a conclusion of, "No."
But since I think our only real goodness comes through forgiveness, I feel a little better about that but then I wonder if my life will have any meaning at all. Have I really ever made a difference in someone else's life? Will I fulfill my purpose here on earth? It's not that I want fame or glory. People don't have to even thank me or repay me for a kindness. I actually like it best when I can do something good and no one knows about it but me, but I would like to think that my life has had a calling and has meant something to someone no matter how little it may be.
Guess I'm just having one of those days. I've been cooped up recovering from my foot surgery since Tuesday and need to get out of the house. My little grand-daughter has been here with me to liven things up some, but I still feel "cabin-feverish." I'm going back to work tomorrow, so things will be better.
Two weeks and it will be Spring Break . . . and then the semester will soon be over and summer will be here . . . so now I'm rambling again . . . so bye bye for now. January 31 Ocean Moon
Waves shine silver Under crested moon They too are crested Under starless sky As if the painter Gilded glitter His brush of magic Changing color In the darkness Yet the sea Does not change Vast ocean Ageless Echoes through time Who else has seen this show? This darkened Staged performance I yet remain to wonder Enthralled by her magic Feeling the sunset Of her demise As she recedes In darkness Anticipating Longing to stay Dreading the departure We are one Though separate too long Still I belong to her Wading waters Collide into my spirit Recreating me Effortlessly Aimlessly Changing my heart Into the me I will become
written by redvelvet © 2009
I was inspired to write this after sitting alone for most of the night on a beach near Charleston, S. C. (October 2007) January 17 "Door Greeter" redefined . . .So . . . now that it's January . . . I finally took control of my inner scrooge and bought myself a Christmas/birthday present . . . and am now the owner of a new computer after being without one for the past six months . . . No more carrying the laptop home from work with its tiny screen and straining my eyes to try to get things done . . . This one has a 24 inch widescreen and I can even burn and watch DVDs on it . . . If I don't watch myself . . . I may become addicted to the internet all over again . . . especially since I have no life . . . but that's another old story everyone has heard too much about . . . And yes . . . I feel guilty for spending money on myself as always . . . but somehow I convinced myself with the truth that . . . in my line of work I need a home computer . . .
So now I will enlighten all of you with just one more reason why Walmart is the worst place in the world to buy anything and why if there were anywhere else to shop in the my little neck of the woods, I would never ever darken their door again . . .
The Walmart in my town never keeps up their inventory and was out of the computer that I wanted, so I traveled to London, which is about an hour away, to make my purchase. After walking around the store for awhile, trying to convince myself that it really is okay to spend money on myself occasionally, I ventured to the checkout and made my purchase at the first checkout lane next to the door, which is only about three feet away from the door. I then placed the reciept in my billfold and moved toward the exit. And this is where the trouble began when this hateful old man came dashing toward my buggy yelling "Stop mam," as he grabbed and held my buggy. He then says, yet again with a hateful tone of accusation, "I need to see your receipt." By this time I was annoyed and I said, "What? I just stepped out of this lane," (which was right behind me). "I need to see your receipt," he hatefully repeats. So I get out my receipt and show it to him and then said, "You know it's a shame that Walmart treats their customers this way. I ought to just turn around and go get a refund." But no with no apology, he just turned around and walked off. I think Walmart needs to update the job description or change the job title to "Border Patrol" instead of "Door Greeter."
Maybe I am being overly sensitive . . . but I remember the day when stores actually valued their customers and bent over backwards to serve them. And if a woman were buying a large ticket item like a computer, she would be asked if she needed help carrying it out instead of being accosted at the door by a person with tones of accusation in his voice. So this is just one more reason why I hate Walmart . . . If you do not have one in your town already . . . you should do everything within your power to keep them out if they ever try to come in . . . In our area, they they put most of the other stores out of business . . . then they treat their customers like dirt . . .
But anyway, I like my computer so far . . . even if it did come from Walmart. January 01 Secret . . .
Baby come close
So no one else can hear I want to whisper something Whisper something in your ear
I want to tell you things That I've told no one else I want to tell you things I keep deep inside myself Oh oh oh cause I have to whisper
Oh oh oh can you keep a secret Locked inside your heart Can you keep a secret It's tearing me apart If I if I trust in you Will you give it back to me Can you keep a secret What good is a door
If it's always kept shut What could happen to me If I open up I want to tell you things Because I'm surprised I hope you won't be distant Look in my eyes Oh, oh, oh come a little closer
Oh, oh oh but can you keep a secret Locked up in your heart Can you keep a secret It's tearing me apart If I give my love to you Would you give it back to me Ooh can you keep a secret December 13 Happy Holidays to All . . .
Greetings all . . . once again I'm trying to get my act together in order to finish up the semester on time and then rush to get ready for Christmas . . . but I thought, in the midst of paper writing and grading, I would stop by for a few minutes and say hello to the world via the wonderful world of blogging . . . So here we are at the end of another year . . . but I must say, I'm really looking forward to 2009 since for so many reasons I am tempted to call 2008 "the year that sucked." But I will look on the bright side and refrain from doing so because, although not everything was wonderful, 2008 was not all bad . . . Anyway . . . I'm planning to attend a party tonight . . . and am looking forward to spending some time relaxing . . . then tomorrow . . . I have to grade grade grade and write write write my own papers . . . and hopefully I will finish on time and then . . . one month off before classes start again . . . If I don't get back here in the next few days . . . Have a wonderful holiday season!
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